The last person I talked to was the check-out man at the grocery store. We had a riveting conversation about my food selections and evident dietary proclivities. "I tried being a vegetarian once," he told me, "but I missed my bacon." This was Saturday morning. It has now been over 48 hours since I have spoken to anyone. The internet in my apartment is down and I don't have a television, so I was left listening to the chatter in my head for the weekend.
I was surprised by how active my mind was when removed from external stimuli. My brain would spontaneously bring up memories, ranging from early childhood to just last week, and brood. I found my emotions swinging from anger, to joy, to embarrassment, to sadness, to elation, and back again. Somewhere along this roller-coaster ride I realized how much of my (generally) peaceful demeanor has become dependent on my interactions with others. Fortunately, I also discovered my ability to talk myself out of the extreme highs and lows (as well as my ability to talk myself into those highs and lows).
So what does this have to do with yoga? Yogah cittavrtti nirodhah - Yoga is the cessation of movements in the consciousness. Whoa. I've got a long ways to go! But I am not discouraged. There were moments, however brief, during this unintentional vow of silence, that I caught a glimpse of internal silence. Sutra III.9 teaches that, "Study of the silent moments between rising and restraining subliminal impressions is the transformation of consciousness towards (cessation)." And so, I will continue to steer my thoughts towards a higher path, and perhaps the next time I'm in social isolation my roller-coaster will bear a greater resemblance to a kiddie ride than the Towering Terror I rode this weekend.
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