When Breath Becomes Life

"If you continue to do one thing after this course, practice pranayama," I heard Master say as our 200 hour training course came to a close. At the time I thought that to be an easy way out. Breathing exercises seemed simple, boring even, whereas asanas seemed to be a greater challenge. As I presume many before me had also done, I worked diligently on asanas, only occasionally dabbling in pranayama. Then I injured my back. I took this as a great excuse to focus more on pranayama, but I found the discipline to stick with it fleeting. Finally I gathered the motivation to sit down and practice until I could get through a full session of Nadi Shodhana (15 rounds, 3 repetitions per round) with 12 counts inhalation, 36 counts retention, and 24 counts exhalation. I was feeling ambitious. The first round was easy. I held the retention like I was swimming to the bottom of a pool, the exhalation was relatively smooth (though it could use some work), and the inhalation was deep and full. I moved onto the second round and suddenly I felt like I was drowning. My entire body was revolting against me. I needed air!!! Fortunately, I had a fantastic scuba instructor when I was in college who taught us about this reflex when you're holding your breath. Your body thinks it needs air, but what it really needs is to exhale CO2. I kept my cool (sort of) and made it through retention to exhalation. I was supposed to be doing a 24 count exhalation, but after the battle I'd fought to get through retention there was no way this was happening. I tried my best, but I was coughing out wisps by 16. I decided to stick with it though. My inhalation which had been smooth before was an uncontrolled gasp punctuated by my attempts to slow it down. I don't know how many counts it took, but it felt like far too few to be back holding my breath again. This was excruciating! Somehow I stuck with it through three repetitions to finish my second round. I was tempted at this point to reduce my counts. But I had done it before with low counts and it was easy. I wasn't looking for easy, I was looking for right. So, I stuck with my original plan. The third round started the same as the second - my body was absolutely positive it was being suffocated - then an incredible thing happened. I broke through it. Somehow I turned off my mind and suddenly I could do it without strain. I finished the rest of the 15 rounds in this calm state. That was the turning point for me with pranayama.

It's been well over a year since this story took place. I have to admit, it's sometimes still hard to find the motivation to do a full pranayama practice, and just today it occurred to my why. Pranayama, though "just" breathing exercises, is a mental challenge. Our minds like to be in control, and true pranayama transcends that. Of course our conscious minds don't want to do it! The discipline has to come from a deeper part of us. The part of us that wants to reunite with our Soul.

Today I felt the shift from breath control to life control. As I practiced PRANAyama, control of life force, I forgot my surroundings and drifted in peace. Ohm shanti.

Pranayama "...has nothing in common with the unscientific breathing exercises taught by a number of misguided zealots. Their attempts to forcibly hold breath in the lungs is not only unnatural but decidedly unpleasant" (Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi). 

image from Kerala Ayerveda blog; http://ayurvedaprograms.blogspot.com/2010/07/science-of-breath-pranayama.html